If your family or people you love don’t want you to change or grow, you have to help them along, or find your chosen family.
Last time, I talked about David, who was at a crossroads in his life: start a new life making a lot more money, potentially creating a strain with his community of friends, or stay with the familiar.
It’s always hard to risk leaving your community behind, but even if you do—and you don’t necessarily have to leave yours behind—you will find new communities.
I have found very different communities over time. Some people have “grown” with me, and some folks I’ve just had to let go.
It’s all part of life. If it weren’t, we’d all still be friends with the people we met in kindergarten.
But it’s one thing to build wealth and risk losing touch with your community, and it’s a whole other situation when your community isn’t supportive of you.
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Enter Sarah
Sarah was the first person in her family to have the opportunity to attend college.
College confers all sorts of benefits in life, as we all know, but her family’s response to having limited means showed itself as a kind of anti-educational bias.
Her parents were apathetic about the whole thing. They didn’t commit to helping Sarah at all. But her grandmother in particular was openly dismissive of Sarah going away to college.
Now, I don’t need to tell you how important family is. Those of us who have loving, supportive families know instinctively how much that has helped us in our lives. And those who don’t, know the pain deeply.
And so, Sarah was in the unenviable position of doing something that she knew would open up a world of opportunity to her, but also risked her relationship with her family.
Family vs. opportunity
When those around aren’t supportive of your own personal growth, that says more about them than it does about you.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just say no to the opportunity, and know that you’ll always have your family?
It’s easy to preach here and say that you should follow your dreams, regardless of what the people around you say. But it’s not so simple.
But it’s important to realize that when those around aren’t supportive of your own personal growth, that says more about them than it does about you.
Sarah’s grandmother probably is internalizing a lot of deep insecurity. And even fear of loss, as Sarah may drift away in her new life of educational achievement.
We all want to hold on to those we care about, but sometimes, our holding on keeps people stuck.
If Sarah’s family are truly supportive of Sarah, then they will eventually come around to the idea that she is pursuing greater opportunities. It may take a long time, but love usually does eventually conquer people’s own insecurities.
And, if they don’t, if they are never able to see Sarah’s path as a noble one, full of possibility and potential for success? Sarah may have to just keep her distance.
Choose those who support you
There is a phrase, “chosen family”, that describes those we are not necessarily blood-related to, but who we deem family.
And those bonds can be just as strong as blood.
So if need be, Sarah will find a chosen family, one that accepts her and her drive.
If I were Sarah, I’d take that opportunity, and work to help her family to come around.
The loss of community is painful, but it’s not guaranteed. And the opportunities are priceless. Don’t pass them up.
Are you facing a opportunity with financial consequences, but don’t know how to proceed? Get ready to take the next step and talk to me. I’ll help you prepare.
